As a mother, there are things that we would like to go back and change...if only we could. There are things that we would have done differently. Things we wouldn't have made a big deal about. Things we would have done that would make us better moms.
This blog posting is to my beautiful daughter, who in spite of one such moment in time. when you were 2 1/2 years old, grew up to seem unscathed by my attempts at motherhood.
Let me say that this event has always bothered me. When I've thought about it I've wanted that moment back. Now to realize that it is your first memory of me, absolutely tears my heartstrings. I hope that it is your first memory of me because it is the first memory of yourself. I hope that in the rest of your early memories of me, I didn't let you down.
It was when you were 2 1/2 years old. You were sick. You had been sick for a few days. You were whinny and clingy and over dramatic. (That adjective is really me trying to push a minuscule amount of blame your way.) You had wanted to be up against me 24/7. Nothing I did seemed to make you feel any better. I had taken you to the doctor and it was determined that it was "a virus that needed to run it's course." Your brother was a baby. He wasn't sick, but he still wanted his turn at being held and sitting right up against me. Your dad was working midnight to eight am shifts. Sleeping during the day and gone at night. There was no relief for me. After a couple days of this I was over it! I put you both to bed and I went to bed early.
A side note to this story is that we were having trouble getting you to stay in your bed at night. The pediatrician had told us to allow you to sleep on the floor of our room when you got up, but not in our bed. It was a work in progress.
A few hours after I put you to bed, you woke me out of a dead sleep. You wanted to get into bed with me. You felt hot, but you were running a fever after all. I told you that you couldn't sleep with me, but that you could lay your sleeping bag beside my bed. We did that and we tried to go back to sleep. All of a sudden you were running around the house screaming. You were seeing Lions and elephants. You thought your brother was standing up in his crib (something he couldn't do yet, and certainly wasn't doing in the middle of the night.) I grabbed you and you were burning up. I took your temperature and it was 106. I freaked out, called your dad at work, had a neighbor watch your brother, and we took you to Kaiser. We were home a few hours later, fever in check, and the virus eventually ran it's course.
IF I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have been so tired. I wouldn't have been so OVER you draping your hot little body all over me. I wouldn't have been so worried that letting you sleep with me would move us back to square one. I would have let you sleep with me. I would have held you tight so that when you started seeing the scary things you wouldn't have been alone. I would have somehow known that someday I would give anything to have that moment back. I would have been me, now, looking back and realizing that you would be all grown up before I knew it. I would have made a much better memory of me for you. I would have been a better mommy at that moment.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
If you want it done right....do it yourself.......
Starting on July 1st, here in the State of California, you must use a hands free device when you are driving. No more holding your cell phone. I think that this is an excellent idea, in theory. Hubby and I went out and purchased our blue tooth devices so that we would be in compliance with this new law. We've actually had them for several months, but most of the time I just chose not to use mine. Today, I was being good and left to run errands with my blue tooth firmly wrapped around my ear. Within a few minutes of the house I decided that I could probably be more distracted by this stupid device than I ever was holding my cell phone. Let me also say here that we purchased the blue tooth at Costco. It is supposed to be a good brand. It was not purchased at Big Lots or the Dollar Store. Here is the dialogue that transpired between me and that annoying little piece of plastic:
It: Please say a command.
Me: Call Lori Cell.
It: Did you say 'Call Corey Cell'?
Me: No. (Though I totally understood the error/confusion)
It: Please say a command.
Me: Call Lori Cell.
It: Did you say call Vicki cell?
Me: NO! Are you kidding me? What part of Lori sounds like Vicki?
It: Please say a command.
Me: Thinking that I might get further I simply say the number slowly and clearly.
It: Did you say 361-568-4625? (Numbers which are not even remotely close to what I actually said.)
Me: NO!!! (At the top of my lungs)
It: Please say a command.
Me: I try the number again, slowly and calmly.
It: Command has timed out. Please try again.
By this point I am digging through my purse to find my phone so that I can dial the number by myself. I stopped short of rolling down the window and throwing the dumb thing out.
When I was done I realized that I had no real memory of the last couple of miles. I was most certainly distracted. I was having road rage at my own ear! How is that for safe? I'm guessing that the real solution here is that, unless it's an emergency, I don't really need to be talking on my cell phone while I'm driving, but who wants to go back to the Stone Age?
It: Please say a command.
Me: Call Lori Cell.
It: Did you say 'Call Corey Cell'?
Me: No. (Though I totally understood the error/confusion)
It: Please say a command.
Me: Call Lori Cell.
It: Did you say call Vicki cell?
Me: NO! Are you kidding me? What part of Lori sounds like Vicki?
It: Please say a command.
Me: Thinking that I might get further I simply say the number slowly and clearly.
It: Did you say 361-568-4625? (Numbers which are not even remotely close to what I actually said.)
Me: NO!!! (At the top of my lungs)
It: Please say a command.
Me: I try the number again, slowly and calmly.
It: Command has timed out. Please try again.
By this point I am digging through my purse to find my phone so that I can dial the number by myself. I stopped short of rolling down the window and throwing the dumb thing out.
When I was done I realized that I had no real memory of the last couple of miles. I was most certainly distracted. I was having road rage at my own ear! How is that for safe? I'm guessing that the real solution here is that, unless it's an emergency, I don't really need to be talking on my cell phone while I'm driving, but who wants to go back to the Stone Age?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
That's NOT Unconditional Love
Tonight, while sitting in the spa, I was acting goofy. I was asking my husband ridiculous questions like:
Me: "What would I have to give you to get you to wear toenail polish in public?".
Him: "There's absolutely nothing you could give me to embarass myself like that."
Me: "Aren't you comfortable enough with your masculinity to suck it up? What if I dare you?"
Him: Dirty look....."No.....don't even think it."
So, I try a different game. I start making faces and asking him if my face froze in different positions would he still love me? The following exchange took place with one particularly odd looking contorted face:
Me: "Would you still love me if I looked like this?"
Him: "Yes, but I'd put you in a home."
Hmmm.....so much for unconditional love.
Me: "What would I have to give you to get you to wear toenail polish in public?".
Him: "There's absolutely nothing you could give me to embarass myself like that."
Me: "Aren't you comfortable enough with your masculinity to suck it up? What if I dare you?"
Him: Dirty look....."No.....don't even think it."
So, I try a different game. I start making faces and asking him if my face froze in different positions would he still love me? The following exchange took place with one particularly odd looking contorted face:
Me: "Would you still love me if I looked like this?"
Him: "Yes, but I'd put you in a home."
Hmmm.....so much for unconditional love.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
I Enjoyed Watching Paint Dry
When I was a kid one of the things that I hated the most was that if my dad thought that his opinion, or idea, or whatever was right he would tell you the same thing over and over and over again. I guess it was his way of making you believe it or making sure that his opinion became yours. I hated it then and I still hate it. Oftentimes when I was a kid I would dig my heels in and do or think the exact opposite....just because I could. Well, this weekend he started in about how much he hates Tiger Woods. He ranted and went on and on and on about how Tiger has ruined the game of golf. His reason for thinking this is that, according to him, no one in the media talks about any other golfer except Tiger. He says that they don't tell you how many strokes ahead someone is in a game, they just tell you how far behind Tiger is. I don't know how to put into words how emphatic he was and how obnoxious. Until then I had never followed golf. Don't get me wrong, I totally knew who Tiger was, and probably several other golfers. I knew that Tiger was GREAT. I knew that our fine city was hosting this years Open and that everyone in the world was here visiting. But, to actually sit down and watch a golf game....never would have happened. That is, of course, until my dad started and wouldn't stop.
My sister says that watching golf is like watching paint dry. Sunday afternoon I decided that I was going to watch paint dry and I was going to decide for myself what it was that Tiger had done to deserve my dad's wrath. Well, I'm happy to say that watching paint dry isn't all that bad. The announcers that I heard talked about several of the men on the tour and it didn't take me long to figure out that Tiger has earned every last accolade spoken about him. I found myself actually enjoying the round on Sunday afternoon. By the time Tiger had forced an 18 hole playoff on Monday, I found myself pulling for him. I do admit that some of this was purely because my dad told me not to.....lol. Monday morning found me watching the playoff round and becoming more of a Tiger fan. Oh my.....to do what he did with a bum knee! He was amazing. On the 18th hole, down by one stroke...my hands were over my eyes because I couldn't bear to watch. Then to force the game to sudden death? All I have to say is Tiger Woods you are awesome! If the media only talks about you, then the rest of your field needs to bring their game up a notch. Watching you with your beautiful baby girl afterwards was adorable. The way she held her arms out to you....yep you are just a horrible person. The fact that, when interviewed, you only had kind words of praise for Rocco Mediate....yep you are bad for the game. I probably won't tell my dad that I think you deserve everything said about you, because, well, that would never be in my best interest, but I'm glad that the rebellious little girl in me reared her ugly head. Otherwise, I might just have missed something really special.
My sister says that watching golf is like watching paint dry. Sunday afternoon I decided that I was going to watch paint dry and I was going to decide for myself what it was that Tiger had done to deserve my dad's wrath. Well, I'm happy to say that watching paint dry isn't all that bad. The announcers that I heard talked about several of the men on the tour and it didn't take me long to figure out that Tiger has earned every last accolade spoken about him. I found myself actually enjoying the round on Sunday afternoon. By the time Tiger had forced an 18 hole playoff on Monday, I found myself pulling for him. I do admit that some of this was purely because my dad told me not to.....lol. Monday morning found me watching the playoff round and becoming more of a Tiger fan. Oh my.....to do what he did with a bum knee! He was amazing. On the 18th hole, down by one stroke...my hands were over my eyes because I couldn't bear to watch. Then to force the game to sudden death? All I have to say is Tiger Woods you are awesome! If the media only talks about you, then the rest of your field needs to bring their game up a notch. Watching you with your beautiful baby girl afterwards was adorable. The way she held her arms out to you....yep you are just a horrible person. The fact that, when interviewed, you only had kind words of praise for Rocco Mediate....yep you are bad for the game. I probably won't tell my dad that I think you deserve everything said about you, because, well, that would never be in my best interest, but I'm glad that the rebellious little girl in me reared her ugly head. Otherwise, I might just have missed something really special.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
S-C-O-R-E!!!!
This morning I was in the bathroom. My husband walked into the room and asked me to throw something in the trash for him. It was a plastic bag rolled up into a ball. He threw it at me with the intention of my catching it and putting it in the trash for him. Instead it bounced off of my head, flew into the air and landed right into the trash can! I know he couldn't do it again if he tried, but it was a shot that would have made his son proud. A true three-pointer! Wonder if the Laker's could use his services?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
How Time Flies....
My daughter and grandson have come and gone. They were able to spend a week, but it sure felt like a much shorter visit. When I picked them up at the airport, I was afraid that my grandson wouldn't remember me or that he wouldn't be happy to see me. After all, I'm not Grandpa. When he came down the escalator he broke into a big grin and gave me a heart-melting hug. From there we went to lunch with my son and his girlfriend. He was excited to see both of them. Then we went to see Grandpa at work. He walked right in and when he saw grandpa he half screamed and half laughed. How he loves his grandpa! It never ceases to bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart.
The first weekend they were here we went camping. The weather was less than cooperative. In fact, for So. Cal it was freezing.
My grandson was bundled up like this much of the weekend. At some points I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, hooded zippered sweatshirt, and a fleece jacket. I looked like the Michelin Man. My daughter was heard grumbling on more than one occasion something along the lines of, "Are you kidding me? If I had wanted weather like this I would have stayed in 'that other state'!" My grandson didn't really seem to care. He would play and play until his little face and hands were red from the cold. We spent the weekend with some friends and, in spite of Mother Nature, I think a good time was had by all.
After camping, we spent one morning at the zoo. My grandson really isn't that impressed with the zoo. I think it's that he has to be lifted up to see into most of the cages. He would rather just walk and look at things that don't require him to be confined. He enjoys the petting zoo and the sky cups.
Here he is with me in front of the stinky flamingos. Why do they smell so bad anyway?
That afternoon, he got to visit with one of his great-grandpas and his great-grandma. Unfortunately, he wasn't feeling very well. Our first clue was when he fell asleep in his stroller at the zoo. Our second clue was when he wouldn't eat a french fry. His uncle (who loves him more than words) was kind enough to share a cold/virus thing with him. He started running a fever and became 'clingy boy.' The only person who was capable of loving him and providing for his needs was his mommy. While it was too cute, we all felt sorry for him. By the next day he was feeling better. Just suffering from a little head congestion and the visit continued.
Thursday came much too fast and it was time to go to the airport. Of course, we had to stop by and pick grandpa up at work to go with us. This required another visit with the helicopters. My grandson walks through the entire aviation facility like he owns the place. He visits with everyone and sits in the helicopters and leads his proud grandpa all around.
"These are my controls Grandpa."
"Someday I'll be tall enough to fly this all by myself."
"Hurry, hurry Grandpa. There's more helicopters over here." "I'll need to sit in each one of them."
After spending a few minutes in the hangar, we were off to the airport. Once we put them on the plane we began the countdown to the next visit. Today we are at 37 days. I instructed him that he needs to be able to say Grandma and Grandpa next time. Next visit: Disneyland and a 2nd Birthday Party!
The first weekend they were here we went camping. The weather was less than cooperative. In fact, for So. Cal it was freezing.
My grandson was bundled up like this much of the weekend. At some points I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, hooded zippered sweatshirt, and a fleece jacket. I looked like the Michelin Man. My daughter was heard grumbling on more than one occasion something along the lines of, "Are you kidding me? If I had wanted weather like this I would have stayed in 'that other state'!" My grandson didn't really seem to care. He would play and play until his little face and hands were red from the cold. We spent the weekend with some friends and, in spite of Mother Nature, I think a good time was had by all.
After camping, we spent one morning at the zoo. My grandson really isn't that impressed with the zoo. I think it's that he has to be lifted up to see into most of the cages. He would rather just walk and look at things that don't require him to be confined. He enjoys the petting zoo and the sky cups.
Here he is with me in front of the stinky flamingos. Why do they smell so bad anyway?
That afternoon, he got to visit with one of his great-grandpas and his great-grandma. Unfortunately, he wasn't feeling very well. Our first clue was when he fell asleep in his stroller at the zoo. Our second clue was when he wouldn't eat a french fry. His uncle (who loves him more than words) was kind enough to share a cold/virus thing with him. He started running a fever and became 'clingy boy.' The only person who was capable of loving him and providing for his needs was his mommy. While it was too cute, we all felt sorry for him. By the next day he was feeling better. Just suffering from a little head congestion and the visit continued.
Thursday came much too fast and it was time to go to the airport. Of course, we had to stop by and pick grandpa up at work to go with us. This required another visit with the helicopters. My grandson walks through the entire aviation facility like he owns the place. He visits with everyone and sits in the helicopters and leads his proud grandpa all around.
"These are my controls Grandpa."
"Someday I'll be tall enough to fly this all by myself."
"Hurry, hurry Grandpa. There's more helicopters over here." "I'll need to sit in each one of them."
After spending a few minutes in the hangar, we were off to the airport. Once we put them on the plane we began the countdown to the next visit. Today we are at 37 days. I instructed him that he needs to be able to say Grandma and Grandpa next time. Next visit: Disneyland and a 2nd Birthday Party!
Monday, June 2, 2008
A Message I Needed To Hear
Anyone who is a Christian and has attended church for any period of time will know what I am talking about. It's THE Speech. The one that every pastor has to give from time to time. It's the message that we all need to hear. It's the message, that even though you don't want to hear it, God has planned to use to speak directly to you. We had that message yesterday. It's title was "Mastering Your Money. God's Blueprint for Living and Giving." 2 Corinthians 9:6-15
With the economy the way it is Pastor Charlie had to give the speech. Our giving is down and our finances at church are in serious trouble. With soaring gas and food prices, people just aren't giving like they should. Before I go any further, let me make it abundantly clear that this blog is not to make anyone feel like they are not giving to the Lord. How much you give is between you and Him. This blog is about me and how the message touched me.
I've shared many times about the fact that I'm not working right now. It's a choice we made based on many factors, not the least being we felt the Holy Spirit was leading me to quit. I've also shared about how we have been fine. We haven't touched savings and we have not really changed our lifestyle. We have started to look at purchases as wants versus needs and have adjusted our spending accordingly. Through it all, God has faithfully provided a day of overtime or a great sale.
Recently, I've noticed that when it came time to write out our tithe check I was allowing my mind to wander and to think about all the things that I could DO with that check or all the things I could BUY with that check. I believe what the bible says about giving, but I wasn't following scripture. I was allowing my fears about the current economy to cloud my thinking and to make me less than a cheerful giver.
Pastor Charlie's message wasn't threatening nor was it designed to make you feel bad. It was probably one of the best "we need money" messages I've ever heard. He truly explained why we should WANT to give.
2 Corinthians 9:7 says- "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Pastor Charlie said that each of us should pray about what amount we should give and that we should cheerfully WANT to give. He says that when we drop our offering into the bag we should hold on to it for one last second and THANK God for the opportunity to give to Him. By doing this we are acknowledging that without HIM we wouldn't have anything, let alone money to put into the offering. Pastor Charlie went on to say something that I had never thought about. He said that giving should be a form of worship. I had never thought about giving as even remotely being a form of worship. By worshipping him when we give that check each Sunday we are showing him that we acknowledge all things come from Him. We are simply giving Him what is already his.
Our tithe check is always the first check that I write out on payday. All other bills are paid after we give back to the Lord. That won't change, but the attitude with which I write that check and the attitude with which it is given on Sunday certainly will. Thanks Charlie for being the vessel for the Holy Spirit to present a new perspective and for giving me a much needed attitude adjustment.
With the economy the way it is Pastor Charlie had to give the speech. Our giving is down and our finances at church are in serious trouble. With soaring gas and food prices, people just aren't giving like they should. Before I go any further, let me make it abundantly clear that this blog is not to make anyone feel like they are not giving to the Lord. How much you give is between you and Him. This blog is about me and how the message touched me.
I've shared many times about the fact that I'm not working right now. It's a choice we made based on many factors, not the least being we felt the Holy Spirit was leading me to quit. I've also shared about how we have been fine. We haven't touched savings and we have not really changed our lifestyle. We have started to look at purchases as wants versus needs and have adjusted our spending accordingly. Through it all, God has faithfully provided a day of overtime or a great sale.
Recently, I've noticed that when it came time to write out our tithe check I was allowing my mind to wander and to think about all the things that I could DO with that check or all the things I could BUY with that check. I believe what the bible says about giving, but I wasn't following scripture. I was allowing my fears about the current economy to cloud my thinking and to make me less than a cheerful giver.
Pastor Charlie's message wasn't threatening nor was it designed to make you feel bad. It was probably one of the best "we need money" messages I've ever heard. He truly explained why we should WANT to give.
2 Corinthians 9:7 says- "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Pastor Charlie said that each of us should pray about what amount we should give and that we should cheerfully WANT to give. He says that when we drop our offering into the bag we should hold on to it for one last second and THANK God for the opportunity to give to Him. By doing this we are acknowledging that without HIM we wouldn't have anything, let alone money to put into the offering. Pastor Charlie went on to say something that I had never thought about. He said that giving should be a form of worship. I had never thought about giving as even remotely being a form of worship. By worshipping him when we give that check each Sunday we are showing him that we acknowledge all things come from Him. We are simply giving Him what is already his.
Our tithe check is always the first check that I write out on payday. All other bills are paid after we give back to the Lord. That won't change, but the attitude with which I write that check and the attitude with which it is given on Sunday certainly will. Thanks Charlie for being the vessel for the Holy Spirit to present a new perspective and for giving me a much needed attitude adjustment.
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