For the last year God had been working in my life to bring about a significant amount of change. Like most people I DETEST change. I liked my life the way it was. I was comfortable, I was happy and I.....you guessed it.....like to be in CONTROL. That in itself was my first mistake. I have definitely learned that I am not in control, will never be in control and need to learn that it's ok not to be in control. God is so much bigger than me and so much better at being in control. Maybe one of these days I'll get it and actually embrace it.
The biggest area of change was that God wanted me to quit my job. For months I knew that the Lord was slowly and quietly nudging me to leave. My job had become someplace that was unhealthy for me to be. What had once been a wonderful place to work had become something that caused me to put forth nothing but negative energy. That being said, I had worked there for almost 15 years. I had tremendous flexibility. I was good at what I did and comfortable doing it. I would have "discussions" with God where I justified why I couldn't possibly leave my job. ALL of them sounded something like this:
Me: "I can't quit. I've worked for this man since 1993. He's been a great boss and I owe him so much."
God: "You don't actually owe him anything. He's been good to you and you've been loyal in return. End of discussion...it's time to move on."
Or the conversation might go like this:
Me: "I can't quit. If I quit I wouldn't have any money."
God: "Why are you worrying about money? Your husband makes enough money to provide for everything that you need."
Me: "Yes, but when I work I can buy anything that I want whenever I want."
God: "Why can't you just trust in me? Why can't you believe that I have your best interests at heart? Do you not read my word? Do you even hear yourself?"
The sad thing was that I DID hear myself. I knew what God was asking was right and yet, somehow, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I worked 45 minutes from home. God and I had a lot of conversations about my job EVERY single day while I was driving. What began as simple nudging escalated to my knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt what God was "requiring" of me. I'm a parent and I can only imagine how I must have tried God's patience during this time. I know that when I would "hint" to my children that I wanted them to do the right thing, I always rejoiced when they did. When they didn't pick up on my subtle hints, I would sit them down and explain to them exactly what I wanted and expected from them. When they still didn't do what I was asking them I would lose my patience and there would be consequences. There were many times when one of my children would push right to the brink of getting themselves into serious trouble. This is exactly what I did with this issue. I dug my heals in and basically refused to do what God was asking of me. I justified in my mind all of the reasons that HE was being unreasonable. Having been a Christian for as long as I have I also knew that there would become a point where God would decide that he had had enough and I would "get spanked."
About this time, I started to put God in a box. I remember driving to work one morning. God was having a particularly naggy morning. (I mean no disrespect by that comment, but it helps to put in context the severity of this situation.) I finally said:
"Fine!!!! If you want me to quit, I will. Just please make something happen at work today to make it so abundantly clear to me that I can't do anything else but quit." God is so awesome! He didn't have to do anything else at this point. Good grief...he had already made his request crystal clear. That being said, I got to work at 7:00 am and before 8:00 my petition had been granted. The specifics aren't important, but let's suffice it to say, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was doing the right thing. I gave my notice.
I left in September. 6 1/2 months have gone by and I haven't missed work for even one single fraction of a day. Money hasn't been an issue and I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I have not looked for another job and don't know if I will. For now, I'm enjoying the life of the unemployed. Shortly after I gave my notice we found out that God was moving my daughter and her family to "that other state." I can tell you that once I found that out I would have quit my job anyway. Now I am free to go and visit whenever I want to. I am free to enjoy her visits home without having to go to work. I am so glad that I finally obeyed and left my job when God was asking me to. This way it was His will and not my own. Praise God!
On to other news. We are going to "that other state" today to visit my daughter, son-in-law and grandson. I am so excited! It has been 38 days since we have seen them. That is about 35 too long. When they lived here we saw them several times a week. While we know that they are where God wants them, I think it is fair to say that this feels like a very long vacation that they need to come home from. We can't wait to spend time with our grandson and simply bask in his cuteness. Praise God for JetBlue direct flights to "that other state." I'll fill you in on our trip when we get back.