Anyone who is a Christian and has attended church for any period of time will know what I am talking about. It's THE Speech. The one that every pastor has to give from time to time. It's the message that we all need to hear. It's the message, that even though you don't want to hear it, God has planned to use to speak directly to you. We had that message yesterday. It's title was "Mastering Your Money. God's Blueprint for Living and Giving." 2 Corinthians 9:6-15
With the economy the way it is Pastor Charlie had to give the speech. Our giving is down and our finances at church are in serious trouble. With soaring gas and food prices, people just aren't giving like they should. Before I go any further, let me make it abundantly clear that this blog is not to make anyone feel like they are not giving to the Lord. How much you give is between you and Him. This blog is about me and how the message touched me.
I've shared many times about the fact that I'm not working right now. It's a choice we made based on many factors, not the least being we felt the Holy Spirit was leading me to quit. I've also shared about how we have been fine. We haven't touched savings and we have not really changed our lifestyle. We have started to look at purchases as wants versus needs and have adjusted our spending accordingly. Through it all, God has faithfully provided a day of overtime or a great sale.
Recently, I've noticed that when it came time to write out our tithe check I was allowing my mind to wander and to think about all the things that I could DO with that check or all the things I could BUY with that check. I believe what the bible says about giving, but I wasn't following scripture. I was allowing my fears about the current economy to cloud my thinking and to make me less than a cheerful giver.
Pastor Charlie's message wasn't threatening nor was it designed to make you feel bad. It was probably one of the best "we need money" messages I've ever heard. He truly explained why we should WANT to give.
2 Corinthians 9:7 says- "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Pastor Charlie said that each of us should pray about what amount we should give and that we should cheerfully WANT to give. He says that when we drop our offering into the bag we should hold on to it for one last second and THANK God for the opportunity to give to Him. By doing this we are acknowledging that without HIM we wouldn't have anything, let alone money to put into the offering. Pastor Charlie went on to say something that I had never thought about. He said that giving should be a form of worship. I had never thought about giving as even remotely being a form of worship. By worshipping him when we give that check each Sunday we are showing him that we acknowledge all things come from Him. We are simply giving Him what is already his.
Our tithe check is always the first check that I write out on payday. All other bills are paid after we give back to the Lord. That won't change, but the attitude with which I write that check and the attitude with which it is given on Sunday certainly will. Thanks Charlie for being the vessel for the Holy Spirit to present a new perspective and for giving me a much needed attitude adjustment.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
It's Not Even April Fools Day
My daughter and my grandson are coming tomorrow! We haven't seen each other since April 2nd. This is entirely too long. We are adjusting to not seeing them several times a week, like we used to, but 50 days drives me nuts. That's why I didn't find the following conversation very amusing:
Message left on cell phone from daughter: "Hi Mom, if you get this give me a call."
Me: Hi, What's up?
Her: I just got a phone call from a supervisor at JetBlue. He wanted to let me know that my flight tomorrow has been cancelled. He said that they would try and find another flight for me so I should stand by.
For the briefest of seconds I thought about going into a blind rage and getting furious. Then for another nano-second I thought about crying because if she couldn't get a flight then she couldn't go camping with us and all of our plans would be ruined. See, when you don't see your daughter or your grandson in 50 days all reason is thrown out the window. But, then I realized that she couldn't be serious. Because if she was serious she wasn't even remotely upset enough. Then I wondered if she was serious and had thoroughly adjusted to living away from us and didn't want to see us as badly as we want to see her. That made the next fraction of a second very scary. It's one thing to live in that "other state", but not missing us is unacceptable. As I really processed what she had said I clearly knew she was kidding because she said the Supervisor had told her to 'stand by'. My daughter does not 'stand by'. She is a take charge kind of person. She would have been calling all the other airlines and finding herself a flight. She would never leave it to someone else. Remember, only about 2 seconds have elapsed while all of those thoughts have run through my head.
Me: Are you serious?
Her: No, but a supervisor from JetBlue did call me to make sure that I realized my flight time had changed since I made my reservation. Wasn't that nice?
Me: Real nice.
For the record, I would have flapped my arms and flown to pick her up myself if need be.
Did I mention that I get to see my daughter and grandson tomorrow and that I am very excited?
Message left on cell phone from daughter: "Hi Mom, if you get this give me a call."
Me: Hi, What's up?
Her: I just got a phone call from a supervisor at JetBlue. He wanted to let me know that my flight tomorrow has been cancelled. He said that they would try and find another flight for me so I should stand by.
For the briefest of seconds I thought about going into a blind rage and getting furious. Then for another nano-second I thought about crying because if she couldn't get a flight then she couldn't go camping with us and all of our plans would be ruined. See, when you don't see your daughter or your grandson in 50 days all reason is thrown out the window. But, then I realized that she couldn't be serious. Because if she was serious she wasn't even remotely upset enough. Then I wondered if she was serious and had thoroughly adjusted to living away from us and didn't want to see us as badly as we want to see her. That made the next fraction of a second very scary. It's one thing to live in that "other state", but not missing us is unacceptable. As I really processed what she had said I clearly knew she was kidding because she said the Supervisor had told her to 'stand by'. My daughter does not 'stand by'. She is a take charge kind of person. She would have been calling all the other airlines and finding herself a flight. She would never leave it to someone else. Remember, only about 2 seconds have elapsed while all of those thoughts have run through my head.
Me: Are you serious?
Her: No, but a supervisor from JetBlue did call me to make sure that I realized my flight time had changed since I made my reservation. Wasn't that nice?
Me: Real nice.
For the record, I would have flapped my arms and flown to pick her up myself if need be.
Did I mention that I get to see my daughter and grandson tomorrow and that I am very excited?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It's All In Your Perspective
Last night when my husband was reading his devotional it was "Teach.....Your Children And.....Their Children After Them." Deuteronomy 4:9 NIV. It was sub-titled "A Grandparent's Influence." My husband came out of the bedroom chuckling. He told me to read the text. It was written by a child.
"A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. She likes other people's little girls and boys. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes for walks with boys; they talk about fishing and stuff like that. Grandmothers don't have anything to do except to be there. They are so old that they shouldn't play hard or run. It is enough if they drive us to the store where the pretend horse is, and have lots of money ready. Or if they take us for walks, they slow down for things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They should never say 'hurry up.' Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums off. Grandmothers don't have to be smart, only answer questions like, "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?" Grandmothers don't talk baby-talk like visitors do, because it's hard to understand. When they read to us they don't skip, or mind if it's the same story over again. Everybody should have a grandmother, especially if they don't have a television, because they are the only grown-ups who have time."
Well, reading that got me to thinking. I remember my grandma's. They were old when I was little and they were "fat." They didn't move very fast and they did the silliest things. You know, OLD people things. I think that only one of them could take her teeth out, but both of them wore glasses.
I have never thought of myself as THAT kind of grandma. I see myself as young, in decent shape, not particularly fat (fluffy maybe), my teeth are my own and as for the underwear thing....they are NOT funny.
Then I thought about how my grandson probably sees me. I have taken him to the store and let him ride the horse. When we go for walks we look at the leaves and the caterpillars. I try not to say 'hurry up' because I am enjoying that particular moment with him. I wear contacts or glasses depending on my mood and the time of day. I can't wait for him to be able to communicate enough to ask me why God isn't married. I love to read to him and have been known to read the same page over and over again...if that is what he wants.
It hit me....My grandson probably thinks I'm old! I have wrinkles. The gray has been known to pop out in my hair between visits to the hairdresser. Oh my goodness. I AM old. In his eyes, I am an OLD grandmother! Hopefully, he sees me as the 'grown up who has time.' If he does, then I wouldn't trade his perspective for the world.
"A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. She likes other people's little girls and boys. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes for walks with boys; they talk about fishing and stuff like that. Grandmothers don't have anything to do except to be there. They are so old that they shouldn't play hard or run. It is enough if they drive us to the store where the pretend horse is, and have lots of money ready. Or if they take us for walks, they slow down for things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They should never say 'hurry up.' Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums off. Grandmothers don't have to be smart, only answer questions like, "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?" Grandmothers don't talk baby-talk like visitors do, because it's hard to understand. When they read to us they don't skip, or mind if it's the same story over again. Everybody should have a grandmother, especially if they don't have a television, because they are the only grown-ups who have time."
Well, reading that got me to thinking. I remember my grandma's. They were old when I was little and they were "fat." They didn't move very fast and they did the silliest things. You know, OLD people things. I think that only one of them could take her teeth out, but both of them wore glasses.
I have never thought of myself as THAT kind of grandma. I see myself as young, in decent shape, not particularly fat (fluffy maybe), my teeth are my own and as for the underwear thing....they are NOT funny.
Then I thought about how my grandson probably sees me. I have taken him to the store and let him ride the horse. When we go for walks we look at the leaves and the caterpillars. I try not to say 'hurry up' because I am enjoying that particular moment with him. I wear contacts or glasses depending on my mood and the time of day. I can't wait for him to be able to communicate enough to ask me why God isn't married. I love to read to him and have been known to read the same page over and over again...if that is what he wants.
It hit me....My grandson probably thinks I'm old! I have wrinkles. The gray has been known to pop out in my hair between visits to the hairdresser. Oh my goodness. I AM old. In his eyes, I am an OLD grandmother! Hopefully, he sees me as the 'grown up who has time.' If he does, then I wouldn't trade his perspective for the world.
Monday, May 5, 2008
God's Amazing Provision and Sense of Humor
God never ceases to amaze me and, in this case, amuse me. We need to have our house re-roofed. Everytime it rains we have a new leak. My husband gets up on the roof and patches the leak only to have it happen someplace else the next time it rains. Our patio roof also decided to start leaking. My husband discovered that it was suffering from dry rot, so he tore the whole thing down. Now we need to not only choose a roofer, but we need to rebuild the patio before the roofer can start the project. This whole weekend was dedicated to working on putting up the patio roof. Well, God had other plans.
Rewind 8 months - I quit my job because I felt like it was what the Lord was asking me to do. We made the decision that we would try life with me not working and see how it went. I haven't had to go back to work and somehow our life style hasn't even changed. Everytime I think we may have to take money out of the bank to make ends meet, the Lord provides a few hours of overtime and the bank account remains untouched.
Fast Forward to today - My hubby is on call. The phone rang at 7:00 am. He left to supervise a search and is at this moment coming up on his 11th hour of overtime. I just spoke to him and he won't be home any time soon. The money will be a huge help in paying for the wood, that is lying all over my backyard, that will someday be a patio. I'm really not sure that my husband sees the humor in the situation, but he does believe that God answers our every petition and provides for our needs. I think that he might be questioning why the overtime couldn't have come when the patio was done, but all I know is that God is good.
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My husband hates Crows. He doesn't find them to be a particularly attractive bird and he can't stand the noise they make. Around our house they are something like a black, flying rooster. They start making their obnoxious noise as soon as the sun comes up. Sometimes we will have a couple of them in our yard and they will yell back and forth. My husband has been known to go outside and knock two shoes together or clap his hands real loud in an attempt to make them fly away. This has always made me laugh because as soon as he comes in the house they come back into the yard. One year, for his birthday, I bought him a stuffed crow. Just to bug him. He wasn't impressed and the crow quickly became a fall decoration. Well, yesterday, while working on the patio the following happened:
Him: (Walking towards the back of our property) "What is that?"
Me: "What?"
Him: "There is a huge nest in this pine tree."
Me: "What kind of a bird builds that big of a nest? Could it be an owl?"
Him: "I don't know, but it's huge! I don't see anything in it right now though."
We go back to working on the patio. Hubby is busy sawing and I glance up to that tree occasionally.
Me: "Ummmm....(barely able to contain my laughter and subsequent sarcasm) Honey, there is a bird in the nest now."
Him: "Really? What kind?"
Me: "It would be of the crow persuasion."
Him: "No way! Are you kidding? It is not staying. I'm going to knock it down."
Me: "Oh, no you're not! That wouldn't be right."
Him: "Fine! One spring! Next year if I even so much as see a crow in one of those trees I'm going to knock down each and every twig it thinks about putting up there."
Me: "Whatever."
Several minute pause.
Him: "God did this on purpose. He finds this crow's nest to be very amusing. He's up there laughing at my expense. I just know it. How can he even stand crows? What was he thinking?"
Me: Uncontrollable laughter.
How much noise do you think a nest of baby crows will make anyway?
Rewind 8 months - I quit my job because I felt like it was what the Lord was asking me to do. We made the decision that we would try life with me not working and see how it went. I haven't had to go back to work and somehow our life style hasn't even changed. Everytime I think we may have to take money out of the bank to make ends meet, the Lord provides a few hours of overtime and the bank account remains untouched.
Fast Forward to today - My hubby is on call. The phone rang at 7:00 am. He left to supervise a search and is at this moment coming up on his 11th hour of overtime. I just spoke to him and he won't be home any time soon. The money will be a huge help in paying for the wood, that is lying all over my backyard, that will someday be a patio. I'm really not sure that my husband sees the humor in the situation, but he does believe that God answers our every petition and provides for our needs. I think that he might be questioning why the overtime couldn't have come when the patio was done, but all I know is that God is good.
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My husband hates Crows. He doesn't find them to be a particularly attractive bird and he can't stand the noise they make. Around our house they are something like a black, flying rooster. They start making their obnoxious noise as soon as the sun comes up. Sometimes we will have a couple of them in our yard and they will yell back and forth. My husband has been known to go outside and knock two shoes together or clap his hands real loud in an attempt to make them fly away. This has always made me laugh because as soon as he comes in the house they come back into the yard. One year, for his birthday, I bought him a stuffed crow. Just to bug him. He wasn't impressed and the crow quickly became a fall decoration. Well, yesterday, while working on the patio the following happened:
Him: (Walking towards the back of our property) "What is that?"
Me: "What?"
Him: "There is a huge nest in this pine tree."
Me: "What kind of a bird builds that big of a nest? Could it be an owl?"
Him: "I don't know, but it's huge! I don't see anything in it right now though."
We go back to working on the patio. Hubby is busy sawing and I glance up to that tree occasionally.
Me: "Ummmm....(barely able to contain my laughter and subsequent sarcasm) Honey, there is a bird in the nest now."
Him: "Really? What kind?"
Me: "It would be of the crow persuasion."
Him: "No way! Are you kidding? It is not staying. I'm going to knock it down."
Me: "Oh, no you're not! That wouldn't be right."
Him: "Fine! One spring! Next year if I even so much as see a crow in one of those trees I'm going to knock down each and every twig it thinks about putting up there."
Me: "Whatever."
Several minute pause.
Him: "God did this on purpose. He finds this crow's nest to be very amusing. He's up there laughing at my expense. I just know it. How can he even stand crows? What was he thinking?"
Me: Uncontrollable laughter.
How much noise do you think a nest of baby crows will make anyway?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
I've Been Tagged
I read my friends blog where she's listed 10 random things about herself and because I read it I've been tagged. Well, I thought about just pretending that I didn't read it because I'm boring and don't think there are 10 random things you want to know about me, but I really like this person and she knows I read her blog, so.......
1. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so vain. Covering my grey can be really expensive. As I'm leaving the salon I know that the grey is simply regrouping to return yet again.
2. I have a weird quirk where if I open a can of anything I have to make sure that I get everything out of the can. Otherwise, I feel sorry for the bean (or whatever) that gets left behind.
3. I can't believe I'm fifty. There is so much I want to do and I know I will never have time to do it all.
4. My mom died in February and I still can't sit in the chair that she always sat in. It just creeps me out. Nothing else in the house bothers me, so I don't really know why the chair bothers me.
5. I wish I was 2 inches shorter so that I could buy pants that weren't talls. They are so hard to find and the selections are so limited.
6 I love to cook. I subscribe to three cooking magazines. My hubby is such a good sport because sometimes the recipes look and sound better than they actually taste.
7. I feed birds. Not like a little old lady sitting on a park bench or anything like that, but I put out seed, thistle, sunflower seeds, peanuts and hummingbird nectar. I love to watch the different types of birds. The blue jays are my favorite.
8. Lake Tahoe is like heaven on earth to me. Our little family spent alot of vacation time in a tiny cabin near Tahoe City. My husband and I went on our honeymoon there. It is a place that we all love. We will be going this summer for 9 days. It doesn't seem to matter how many times we go, I always get excited.
9. I am really proud of the Godly adults my children have become. My daughter is amazing. If God had moved me to another state, away from family and friends, when I was a young mother, I wouldn't have gone with such grace. My son has become an awesome Godly man. He is in school preparing to serve the Lord. I know that he is going to make a real difference in many peoples lives as he continues to seek Him.
I love you both.
10. This November my husband and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary. We are going on a cruise to Mexico. My cousin and her husband will be joining us! Fun and sun here we come.
Ok, there are some very random things that you probably didn't want to know about me. If you read this you too have been tagged!
1. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so vain. Covering my grey can be really expensive. As I'm leaving the salon I know that the grey is simply regrouping to return yet again.
2. I have a weird quirk where if I open a can of anything I have to make sure that I get everything out of the can. Otherwise, I feel sorry for the bean (or whatever) that gets left behind.
3. I can't believe I'm fifty. There is so much I want to do and I know I will never have time to do it all.
4. My mom died in February and I still can't sit in the chair that she always sat in. It just creeps me out. Nothing else in the house bothers me, so I don't really know why the chair bothers me.
5. I wish I was 2 inches shorter so that I could buy pants that weren't talls. They are so hard to find and the selections are so limited.
6 I love to cook. I subscribe to three cooking magazines. My hubby is such a good sport because sometimes the recipes look and sound better than they actually taste.
7. I feed birds. Not like a little old lady sitting on a park bench or anything like that, but I put out seed, thistle, sunflower seeds, peanuts and hummingbird nectar. I love to watch the different types of birds. The blue jays are my favorite.
8. Lake Tahoe is like heaven on earth to me. Our little family spent alot of vacation time in a tiny cabin near Tahoe City. My husband and I went on our honeymoon there. It is a place that we all love. We will be going this summer for 9 days. It doesn't seem to matter how many times we go, I always get excited.
9. I am really proud of the Godly adults my children have become. My daughter is amazing. If God had moved me to another state, away from family and friends, when I was a young mother, I wouldn't have gone with such grace. My son has become an awesome Godly man. He is in school preparing to serve the Lord. I know that he is going to make a real difference in many peoples lives as he continues to seek Him.
I love you both.
10. This November my husband and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary. We are going on a cruise to Mexico. My cousin and her husband will be joining us! Fun and sun here we come.
Ok, there are some very random things that you probably didn't want to know about me. If you read this you too have been tagged!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
On the issue of Tantrums
This post is for Lori and Heidi, two young moms that I know who are struggling with the issue of what to do with a screaming toddler, especially in public. Yesterday I was in WalMart. I witnessed a father pushing a cart with a little girl in the front. My best guess would be that she was nearly two. Two older siblings walked alongside the cart. The little girl was having a rip-roaring tantrum. Her face was red and snotty. Arms and legs were flailing. The volume was turned up full blast. The dad handled it great. He looked at her and said, "_________(name inserted here because I can't remember what it was) You can scream all you want, you can turn as red as you want, you can swing your arms and legs right off of your body, but you can NOT win. So, do whatever you have to do, but just know that the ONLY person you are wearing down is yourself and the ONLY person you are embarrassing is yourself." I thought it was great. In fact, I laughed out loud and instantly thought of the two of you. Your children aren't the only ones, not by a long shot. I don't know how much of his speech she understood, but I do know that if she didn't understand all of it, she understood that she wasn't going to win. Eventually I didn't hear her anymore. Not like I stalked them around the store or anything, but she was pretty loud and I think I would have heard her.
Something else happened at WalMart yesterday. When I was getting out of my car I heard a horrible commotion. Loud screaming etc. I got out of my car and saw a woman walking down the parking aisle. She was followed closely by a boy around 12 or 13. The woman was screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs. Pretty much a string of words all beginning with F. All around people stood staring with their mouths open and heads shaking. Whatever the problem was it didn't have anything do do with her son who looked pretty mortified and was just walking along behind her. Her yelling went on for a good 5 minutes. Even after she got into her car and backed it out of the parking place. I didn't see anyone else that she might have had an altercation with, at least not in the parking lot. Something must have happened inside the store. Now where was the other man when we needed him. Maybe he could have explained to her that the only person she was embarrassing was herself. Then there is the whole issue of the poor son. Like the little boy and the donut at the grocery store, maybe I should just start running around adopting children who's parents say and do inappropriate things in front of them.
Something else happened at WalMart yesterday. When I was getting out of my car I heard a horrible commotion. Loud screaming etc. I got out of my car and saw a woman walking down the parking aisle. She was followed closely by a boy around 12 or 13. The woman was screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs. Pretty much a string of words all beginning with F. All around people stood staring with their mouths open and heads shaking. Whatever the problem was it didn't have anything do do with her son who looked pretty mortified and was just walking along behind her. Her yelling went on for a good 5 minutes. Even after she got into her car and backed it out of the parking place. I didn't see anyone else that she might have had an altercation with, at least not in the parking lot. Something must have happened inside the store. Now where was the other man when we needed him. Maybe he could have explained to her that the only person she was embarrassing was herself. Then there is the whole issue of the poor son. Like the little boy and the donut at the grocery store, maybe I should just start running around adopting children who's parents say and do inappropriate things in front of them.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
In The Words of Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh said, "If you live to be 100, I hope to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
My mom passed away two months ago today. She had fought cancer for 2 1/2 years. The last 2 years she battled Lung Cancer. She fought with dignity, grace and above all humor. In the end she was tired and she was ready. We were ready. While no one wants to lose someone they love, there comes a point where you no longer want to watch them suffer either. That is how it was with my mom. We were prepared. We had mourned the loss of who our mother was. The person she became in the end was not our wife or our mother. So, when she passed away we were happy for her that the suffering had ended.
When my mom was sick my dad never left her side. He was amazing. He did everything she needed him to do and sometimes he even drove her nuts. They were married one month shy of 57 years. In the days and weeks since she passed away, my sister and I have tried to spend as much time with our dad as we can. He is 81 years old. He is healthy. He is starting to get out again. He even went to Romeo's again this month. Romeo's stands for Retired Old Men Eating Out. They go out to breakfast once a month and do what old men do when they get together.....whatever that is. Probably the same thing young and middle-aged men do when they get together....only with more wrinkles!
We have started to take some of my mom's things out of the house. My dad has been fine with that. After all, now some of HIS things might fit into the bedroom closet. We have taken him out to lunch, to the mall, to see his granddaughter's play etc. We have learned things about him that we never knew.
Before my mom got sick I used to wonder what on earth I would ever do with my dad if my mom died first. I didn't know him that well. He was quiet and rarely had much to say. If you called and he answered the phone he usually said, "Let me get your mother." Hours of sitting in waiting rooms slowly took care of that. I learned that my dad attended one of the first computer schools that the Navy ever ran. Funny, because he doesn't even own a computer. He told me about the time he accidentally stole a car. He told me about places he had been while he was in the Navy and made it sound rather glamorous. He talked about his childhood and my uncles and aunt when they were young. The other day we were talking on the phone about a Mexican restraunt that we used to eat at when I was a kid. I asked my dad if it was still there. He looked in the phone book and said that he didn't see it listed anymore. We talked about how he used to buy us Mexican jumping beans when he paid the bill. Then he told me that he used to eat lunch there all the time when he was stationed at North Island, but that my mom didn't know it. I laughed and asked him why? He said, "Well she always packed my lunch and I didn't want her to know that I had thrown it away on those days." That really made me laugh.
On the outside, my dad is doing amazing, but how can you be married to someone for almost 57 years and not feel like your world has stopped spinning when they are gone? Some days when I leave him I feel so guilty. I am going home to my everyday life that really hasn't changed. I try to call him everyday even if it's just to say hi and to have a nice day. My heart breaks when I think of how quiet his house must be, even for a quiet man. I fear meals wouldn't taste the same without someone to share them with. One day he told me that I was going to think he was crazy, but that in the middle of the night he had woke up and he thought he heard my mom coughing. I doubt that he is crazy perhaps just lucky.
I can't imagine my life without my husband. He is my best friend, my rock and my soul mate. I already dread the getting old process for fear he will do it faster than me. I think that I too shall take the Winnie the Pooh approach and whatever age my husband shall live to be, I want to live to be that age minus one day.
My mom passed away two months ago today. She had fought cancer for 2 1/2 years. The last 2 years she battled Lung Cancer. She fought with dignity, grace and above all humor. In the end she was tired and she was ready. We were ready. While no one wants to lose someone they love, there comes a point where you no longer want to watch them suffer either. That is how it was with my mom. We were prepared. We had mourned the loss of who our mother was. The person she became in the end was not our wife or our mother. So, when she passed away we were happy for her that the suffering had ended.
When my mom was sick my dad never left her side. He was amazing. He did everything she needed him to do and sometimes he even drove her nuts. They were married one month shy of 57 years. In the days and weeks since she passed away, my sister and I have tried to spend as much time with our dad as we can. He is 81 years old. He is healthy. He is starting to get out again. He even went to Romeo's again this month. Romeo's stands for Retired Old Men Eating Out. They go out to breakfast once a month and do what old men do when they get together.....whatever that is. Probably the same thing young and middle-aged men do when they get together....only with more wrinkles!
We have started to take some of my mom's things out of the house. My dad has been fine with that. After all, now some of HIS things might fit into the bedroom closet. We have taken him out to lunch, to the mall, to see his granddaughter's play etc. We have learned things about him that we never knew.
Before my mom got sick I used to wonder what on earth I would ever do with my dad if my mom died first. I didn't know him that well. He was quiet and rarely had much to say. If you called and he answered the phone he usually said, "Let me get your mother." Hours of sitting in waiting rooms slowly took care of that. I learned that my dad attended one of the first computer schools that the Navy ever ran. Funny, because he doesn't even own a computer. He told me about the time he accidentally stole a car. He told me about places he had been while he was in the Navy and made it sound rather glamorous. He talked about his childhood and my uncles and aunt when they were young. The other day we were talking on the phone about a Mexican restraunt that we used to eat at when I was a kid. I asked my dad if it was still there. He looked in the phone book and said that he didn't see it listed anymore. We talked about how he used to buy us Mexican jumping beans when he paid the bill. Then he told me that he used to eat lunch there all the time when he was stationed at North Island, but that my mom didn't know it. I laughed and asked him why? He said, "Well she always packed my lunch and I didn't want her to know that I had thrown it away on those days." That really made me laugh.
On the outside, my dad is doing amazing, but how can you be married to someone for almost 57 years and not feel like your world has stopped spinning when they are gone? Some days when I leave him I feel so guilty. I am going home to my everyday life that really hasn't changed. I try to call him everyday even if it's just to say hi and to have a nice day. My heart breaks when I think of how quiet his house must be, even for a quiet man. I fear meals wouldn't taste the same without someone to share them with. One day he told me that I was going to think he was crazy, but that in the middle of the night he had woke up and he thought he heard my mom coughing. I doubt that he is crazy perhaps just lucky.
I can't imagine my life without my husband. He is my best friend, my rock and my soul mate. I already dread the getting old process for fear he will do it faster than me. I think that I too shall take the Winnie the Pooh approach and whatever age my husband shall live to be, I want to live to be that age minus one day.
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